The Function of Polite Phrases

Christofer Smith • November 20, 2025 • 827 Words

Introduction

We often rely on concise, friendly phrases to serve as a springboard for small talk. Most of us can attest to the role that a polite “how are you” or “nice to meet you” has served when greeting one another in passing. Simple phrases such as these are used to develop a rapport and carry a conversation in the daily lives of many Americans — even if not always articulated with literal intentions.

Avoiding Confrontation

Within communication, these salutations function to initiate conversation among parties with a sense of courtesy, especially when these parties are unfamiliar with each other. This is clearly demonstrated in professional phone calls, such as when I have set up an appointment with my dentist. Here, despite the receptionist and I lacking a conversational relationship (or any prior relationship at all), the use of small, positive expressions fulfill our shared interest in directing the conversation to continue smoothly, as opposed to the creation of a terse exchange in which the I, the client, could unintentionally feel daunted or put off. Another example of these polite phrases being leveraged to establish a rapport is in the preliminary job interviews that my friends have recounted to me. Greeting the interviewer and affirming their gestures reflects cordiality in potential candidates, as my friends were, thus allowing such a performative act to positively benefit their chances at securing their local cashier or waiter position. In fact, many interviewees, including myself, enter with the pretense that politeness is an unspoken rule under which they are inherently being judged. In making appointments and applying to jobs , the function of small gestures in a wide array of professions is exemplified: they serve to develop a non-confrontational, friendly environment while conversing, mirroring the importance of avoiding conflict that shapes American culture.

Inviting Discussion

Beyond aiding one engaged in dialogue with those they may not be familiar with, polite phrases serve as social cues to continue a conversation with acquaintances. Take, for instance, the exchanges that occur within academic environments, especially secondary educational institutions, between classmates. In my own junior-level Advanced Placement English class, my peers have attested to finding discourse to be easier through conversation starters, such as “how’s school going,” if not on a close-friend basis with others — a technique greatly appreciated by the less extroverted of the class. This style of initiating an interaction persists as us students join the workforce, as is demonstrated in the typical American break room. Here, coworkers on a conversational level can engage in small talk commenced by a passing mention of simple thoughts regarding the weather or of recent news as opposed to the awkward silence that would form, had these acquaintances chosen to remain silent. In these examples, polite phrases achieve more than simply developing a friendly atmosphere — they invite further discussion in situations where their absence would make conversing difficult.

Counterargument

These polite phrases are limited in their sincerity, however, as they can be spoken performatively to convey attention and acknowledgement over the literal thought being shared. This is easily visible in the social lives of many, such as my own. Oftentimes, when I ask a friend “how’s it going,” I am not necessarily interested in the events of their life. Rather, the question highlights a further mechanic of conversation that subtly drives every interaction — the desire to show that friend that you care about their opinions and are ready to listen, despite whether you actually are listening. This performance is disingenuous, however, and it highlights a darker facet of polite language: the introduction of a facade that masks true character. An extreme scenario that demonstrates the leveraging of these phrases maliciously is in cases of manipulation. Here, consistent use of “sweet talking” can be used to prime someone into holding a positive opinion of someone with malignant intent, such as an abusive partner seeking control over their significant other under the guise of loving gestures. While still serving a purpose, this use of friendly phrases does not aim to develop an air of good will or further an otherwise dull conversation — it aims to conceal the true desires of an interaction, cementing how varied the function of such language can be.

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